I spoke to my mother before sharing this because I thought I vacated my senses. Those who know me (really know me) know I'm happy and content with my single life and have no desire to change my status. Well, tonight I realized I do miss having someone in my life. I actually wished I had someone in my life!
Those emotions consumed me while I was outside washing my car and taking the trash out. Amazingly, once I finished those man jobs and got back in the house, I came to my senses. Must've been the heat! Scary Halloween-like thoughts!! More like...
I loved being a wife - supporting my husband, waking up with the chickens to prepare his breakfast, being available to fix a quick lunch if he dropped by, having dinner ready for the family when he got home from work - simply being there for him and being his wife was my pleasure, but some odd things began to happen...as I like to say, "Life Happened."
"a woman should have enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…"
That day came for me. I made a decision to leave my 20-year marriage and realized I might have to get a job although I was retired military. I could definitely live off my retirement pay but that would be too close to living from paycheck to paycheck. I didn't want to simply survive or barely make it, I wanted to do some things and go some places.
Yes, I could have stayed in the marriage. After all, we invested 20 years of our lives to each other and built a family around the love we had for one another but was it love or were we tolerating each other for the long haul? Twenty years is a long time. Something kept me there, right? What was it?